Divorce Mediation Guide

Divorce mediation is a voluntary process where a neutral third-party mediator helps divorcing couples negotiate and resolve their disputes without going to court. ## How Mediation Works **The Process:** 1. Both spouses agree to mediation 2. Select neutral mediator (often attorney or mental health professional) 3. Attend 3-8 mediation sessions (typically 2-4 hours each) 4. Mediator facilitates discussion of all divorce issues 5. Reach agreements on property, custody, support 6. Attorney drafts settlement agreement 7. Submit agreement to court for approval **What Makes It Different:** - **Collaborative, not adversarial** - Both parties work together toward resolution - **Private** - Sessions are confidential, not public court proceedings - **Flexible** - Can address unique family needs, not limited to legal issues - **Faster** - Typically resolves in 2-4 months vs. 12-24 months for litigation - **Less expensive** - Average cost $3,000-8,000 vs. $15,000-50,000 for contested divorce ## When Mediation Works Best **Ideal Situations:** - Both parties willing to compromise - Can communicate without hostility - Want to preserve co-parenting relationship - Desire privacy and control over outcome - Limited or moderate assets - Both parties financially transparent - No history of domestic violence **May Not Work If:** - Severe power imbalance - History of abuse or coercion - One party hiding assets - Serious mental health or substance abuse issues - One party refuses to negotiate in good faith

Financial Benefits **Lower Costs:** - Mediator fees: $200-400/hour - Total cost: $3,000-8,000 (vs. $15,000-50,000 litigation) - Single mediator vs. two attorneys - Fewer court filings and hearings **Cost Breakdown Example:** - 6 mediation sessions × 3 hours = 18 hours - 18 hours × $300/hour = $5,400 - Attorney review of agreement: $500-1,000 - Court filing fees: $300-450 - **Total: $6,200-7,000** Compare to contested divorce: - 2 attorneys × 50 hours × $300/hour = $30,000 - Court costs, depositions, experts: $5,000+ - **Total: $35,000+** ## Emotional Benefits **Reduced Conflict:** - Less adversarial than courtroom battle - Preserves family relationships - Better co-parenting outcomes - Reduced stress on children **Maintains Control:** - You decide outcome, not judge - Flexible solutions tailored to family - Can address non-legal concerns - Creative problem-solving possible ## Practical Benefits **Speed:** - Average 2-4 months vs. 12-24 months litigation - Schedule sessions at your convenience - No waiting for court dates **Privacy:** - Confidential sessions - No public court records of negotiations - Protect family privacy and business information **Better Compliance:** - Parties more likely to follow agreements they created - Reduced need for post-divorce modifications - Better long-term satisfaction

Session 1: Orientation and Ground Rules **Mediator Explains:** - Mediation process and mediator's role - Confidentiality and its limits - Ground rules for respectful communication - Information gathering requirements **You Will:** - Sign mediation agreement - Exchange preliminary financial information - Identify issues to be resolved - Set schedule for remaining sessions ## Sessions 2-4: Information Gathering **Financial Disclosure:** - Complete income and expense statements - List all assets and debts - Provide documentation (tax returns, account statements) - Discuss debts, taxes, property values **Parenting Issues (if applicable):** - Current parenting arrangement - Children's needs and schedules - Each parent's role and availability - School, activities, healthcare ## Sessions 5-7: Negotiation **Property Division:** - Identify marital vs. separate property - Determine value of assets - Discuss division options - Negotiate trade-offs **Custody and Support:** - Develop parenting plan - Calculate child support - Discuss spousal support if applicable - Address college expenses, insurance **Creative Solutions:** - Consider tax implications - Explore keeping shared assets - Structured payment plans - Future contingencies ## Final Session: Agreement **Draft Settlement:** - Mediator prepares memorandum of understanding - Review all agreed terms - Clarify any remaining questions - Sign preliminary agreement **Finalization:** - Each party has attorney review agreement - Make any requested changes - Attorney prepares formal legal documents - Submit to court for approval

Mediator Fees **Hourly Rates:** - Attorney-mediators: $250-450/hour - Mental health professional mediators: $200-350/hour - Financial mediators: $300-500/hour **Factors Affecting Cost:** - Mediator's experience and credentials - Geographic location (urban areas higher) - Complexity of your case - Number of sessions needed ## Total Cost Estimates **Simple Uncontested (3-5 sessions):** - Mediation: $2,000-4,000 - Attorney review: $500-1,000 - Court fees: $300-450 - **Total: $2,800-5,500** **Moderate Complexity (5-8 sessions):** - Mediation: $4,000-7,000 - Attorney review: $1,000-2,000 - Financial advisor: $500-1,000 - Court fees: $300-450 - **Total: $5,800-10,500** **Complex High-Asset (8-12 sessions):** - Mediation: $7,000-12,000 - Attorney review: $2,000-4,000 - Business valuation: $3,000-10,000 - Financial advisor: $1,000-3,000 - Court fees: $300-450 - **Total: $13,300-29,500** ## How to Reduce Costs **Split the Fee:** - Most couples share mediator cost 50/50 - Can negotiate different split if income disparity **Prepare in Advance:** - Organize financial documents before sessions - Complete worksheets between sessions - Come with ideas/proposals - Reduces time in mediation **Use Limited Scope Attorney:** - Attorney reviews agreement only - Provides advice between sessions - Doesn't attend mediation - Costs $500-2,000 vs. $10,000+ full representation **Consider Group Mediation:** - Some mediators offer lower rates - Online mediation options - Sliding scale fees available

Before First Session **Gather Financial Documents:** - Last 3 years tax returns - Recent pay stubs (last 3 months) - Bank/investment account statements - Credit card statements - Retirement account statements - Mortgage statements and property deeds - Vehicle titles and loan documents - Business financial statements (if applicable) **List Assets and Debts:** - Real estate (home, rental properties, land) - Vehicles, boats, RVs - Bank accounts, CDs, savings - Retirement accounts (401k, IRA, pensions) - Investments (stocks, bonds, mutual funds) - Business interests - Personal property (jewelry, art, collections) - Credit cards, personal loans - Mortgages, car loans - Student loans, medical debt **Consider Your Goals:** - What outcomes are most important to you? - Where can you compromise? - What are your deal-breakers? - How do you want co-parenting to work? ## During Mediation **Communication Tips:** - Listen actively without interrupting - Use "I" statements instead of "you" accusations - Focus on interests, not positions - Stay calm, take breaks if needed - Be honest and transparent **Negotiation Strategies:** - Come with multiple options - Look for win-win solutions - Consider long-term implications - Think about tax consequences - Don't make decisions under pressure ## Between Sessions **Complete Homework:** - Mediator may assign tasks - Research options (schools, childcare costs) - Get appraisals if needed - Fill out budget worksheets - Draft proposed parenting schedules **Consult Resources:** - Talk to financial advisor - Check in with attorney - Research tax implications - Calculate different scenarios **Self-Care:** - Mediation is emotionally draining - Take care of your mental health - Seek support from friends/therapist - Don't neglect physical health - Remember this is temporary